The Fallen Thirteen
by lostsoul512
Summary: though ive tried ive fallen...
1. heaven bend to take my hand

A/N: this is a glimpse into the minds of various characters, all inspired by the song fallen by Sarah McLachlan. props to my darling friend Anna who wrote this along with me...

Frodo:

[-heaven bend to take my hand-]

I am nothing and everything all at once. I am here and gone and the salvation and the curse.

I am just one person.

I do not wish to be remembered, though it seems impossible that they will ever forget me.

[do you feel them watching you?]

I never asked for it. Does anyone every truly ask for it? Does anyone truly ask to be burdened that responsibility? To save?

Mustn't you yourself be saved before you can save the souls of others?

I am just a single soul. I could not [cannot] be saved. Not from the world that surrounds me and certainly not from myself.

What is salvation, anyway? What is being saved, and who decides? Who does the saving? Are salvation and forgiveness the same thing?

[there is no forgiveness]

Twists of fate move us through life. Right now, the road is stretched out long before me. I do not know where it will take me. but I will follow it.

I will follow it.

[the road goes ever on and on]

xxxx

My tale is not one that can be told from the beginning, for there is no true start. Conversely, there is no end. It will go on until the entire world ends, for my tale and the tale of the world are one.

I suppose you could say it started with him, for how many people can truly say that someone was there for them through everything?

He was, and I owed him a lot for that. Much more than he ever got.

He was everything to me, whether I let that show or not.

[you didn't]

Love is a strange emotion, for in all its beautiful purity, it is bred out of the darkest of all feelings- hate and fear. Only when you know the darkness can you recognize the light.

I suppose that maybe I did love him.

Maybe in a sense he was my angel. My savior.

My salvation

[there is no salvation]


	2. and lead me through the fire

Gandalf

[-and lead me through the fire-]

Death.

That is what life guarantees us. Death.

It was not meant to be that way. We were not meant to endure such sufferings and pains. Our hearts were made to be light and pure.

Corruption.

No soul can escape corruption of one sort or another. For some, it's power of greed or money.

I was corrupted by another emotion entirely. That emotion was kindness. I was much too quick to give, be it love or advice or a helping hand. I simply could not stand watching from the sidelines.

That need, tat insatiable desire to do good, was what led me to my demise. For when you give and give and never expect back, you lose yourself. You give everything away until you're left an empty, vacant shell. And that absence kills you.

I died many times in my life. Death is much like a plunge into pits of fire would be, I suppose. And for a moment, you forget you're even dead because the utter clarity makes you feel more alive than ever. All pain, hurt, sorrow burns away, leaving you feeling nothing but utter bliss.

In a sense I suppose I almost asked for death. Certainly I expected it. But I plunged headfirst into danger; I was enthralled by chaos.

Every time I died I was brought back by the need to save, to help, to heal.

I never should have left my house that day. I never should have gotten involved. What good was I, anyway? How does one heal another when they cannot even save themselves from death and corruption?

The world would burn away, like the purity of our fragile hearts.

No one could stop it. Death was all that life guaranteed.


	3. be the long awaited answer

Aragorn

-be the long awaited answer-

I knew what I had to do, and I also knew that not a force on this earth could make me do it.

I would not succumb to the power and greed and darkness. I would not take the road laid out before me.

Someone told me once that I was the hope this world needed, that the people yearned for salvation. But I had turned my back on that life long ago.

There was something… someone… else that helped to govern my decision. For I knew that I could not have both. A choice had to be made.

And I chose her.

It was not right, I knew. It went against the very order the universe.

But I could not control that. I could not male myself love her any less. It would have been much the same as attempting to rearrange the stars.

I tried to escape it, for despite her immortality, I knew I would be the death of her. Running away did me no good. I was plagued. I was infatuated.

I threw myself into the quest without a second thought. I would use it to distract myself.

Of course, I never foresaw that by joining the Fellowship I had put in motion the very thing I'd tried to avoid. And once it began, there would be no turning back. It was irreversible.

xxxx

If one has never experienced the bitter taste of goodbye, then one cannot understand the vacancy it leaves in you. Much like death, words alone cannot explain the feel of that throbbing pain, a pain that is not so much as to leave you alive, but not quite enough to kill you. More so, it just leaves you hanging in a sort of in-between state.

Without her love, I turned my affections into over-protectiveness, pushing it upon those that surrounded me.

I cannot deny that I felt its pull, seducing me with the promise of power. Only my love for that condemned soul that carried it, and the promise of seeing _her_ face again kept me going. The irony of it all was that she kept me going while I held her back.

It's strange how something so small can be so significant ad hold so much sway over everything.

I'm referring to both the ring and the carrier. Life is full of little coincidences.


	4. to a long and painful fight

Eomer

[-to a long and painful fight-]

Helpless.

My uncle's kingdom has been seduced by brilliant, charmless snakes. And my sister, my beloved Eowyn, is captive to Wormtounge.

I am banished from Rohan. Banished. Unheeded. A voice of reason unneeded.

Helpless.

All my life I have helped. I have cared. I have fought, pushed and dug for the truth. Our parents died when we were young, and as her elder brother I promised to protect and help Eowyn. To guard her from the likes of whom she is now bound.

My hands are tied. For if I make a move against him, she will surely die.

Trapped. Helpless. Angry.

Anger, laced with bitterness, courses through my veins. Towards my uncle who is a mere puppet of these beasts that have taken over lands and people captive in the icy grip of fear. That same fear I feel slipping off of me, as chains useless and broken.

I am banished, yes, but does that mean that I am useless? Helpless to do something, anything at all?

No.

I care not if I die.

If I die fighting at least I will have done something, For Rohan, For Eowyn.

For truth.

I will seek what few friends I still have, and perhaps they will join me. Together, we will find. I will find my enemy where I can fight him with sword and arrow. Where blood will be spilled and vengeance will be done.

Helpless no more.

My hand caresses the sword hilt at my side.

I will fight.


	5. truth be told ive tried my best

Sam

[-truth be told I've tried my best-]

My master is sleeping, his hand curled protectively around the ring, that accursed ring.

His precious.

His face is creased and shadowed in pain,. My heart clenches to see it as such.

My master, my dearest friend.

Of late, I have felt alone. Desperately alone. Frodo's eyes do not see me; we do not talk. We walk, we climb, we rest, we eat what crumbs we have left or can find in the desolate wasteland called Mordor. I am alone.

Gollum is with us every sniveling step of the way. I do not trust him.

Frodo does.

I do not understand. I have been with him, for him and beside him since we were little. Now it seems he does not care. Does not see me. Does not love. Not me, not anyone anymore.

Rosie. I cannot help but think of her. Her dancing blonde curls and ribbons. Her warm fingers twined with mine the night we danced. I want to get back home to her. I hope she waits for me, though I did not dare ask her to.

Both people I love most in the world do not seem to see me. Nor is there hope of being loved and cared for in return.

I pull the threadbare blanket up to Frodo's chin and see Gollum/Smeagul (oh so different but trapped forever within one body, soul, mind) watching me, an unholy glint to his watery eyes. I turn away, blinking hard. I rub my eyes, dirt and sand causing more tears. More pain.

I've tried so hard.

I'm still trying,

Will he ever see?

Will he ever want to be my friend like I am his? Will he trust me ever like he does the creature behind me? such trust I do not fathom. It's because of the ring.

Smeagul.

Frodo.

They both know, they both feel the warm, numbing power of the precious in their hand and covering their hearts.

I have not.

Thus I am left out, left behind in their secret knowing and understanding. I do not.

It must die, this ring. I want my friend. I need him.

And I want to see Rosie again.

I close my eyes, willing sleep o come, willing te dawn to rise. One day closer. To what? To the death of all that keeps me from my loves, hopes?


	6. but somewhere along the way

Boromir

[-but somewhere along the way I got caught up in all there was to offer-]

Power. Raw, glittering, sensual, hungry power. Needed, desired, hoped for power.

I was the hoped for first born. Honored, but pressured. I must prove myself. Show my father than I am enough. That I am man enough. That he should be- has to be- proud of me and all I've done.

For him. For Gondor. For glory.

Power.

I cannot have. Yet I pledged to destroy, to guard the one carrying this most powerful and glorious thing I need/want/crave. Power that I cannot hope to grasp for myself.

Perhaps my intentions were honorable at first. Wanting to help, to show that Aragorn was not the only man daring enough to go on this perilous adventure.

But somewhere in the mountains we climbed, the creatures we killed and the overwhelming power that seemed to want the ring back reached me. I changed. I decided. I yearned for it like nothing else.

I wanted the ring for myself- and for my father.

How he would greet me when I came home bearing the answer to all our prayers, to turn the tide in the favor of Gondor. To save all we held dear.

He would love me for it. And I would be happy. He would be proud, and I would be enough.

Power. Blinding, glourious, desperately needed power.

I would not regret taking the ring from Frodo. I needed it more than he.

Power. It was all I needed. To be.


	7. and the cost was so much more

Legolas

[-and the cost was so much more than I could bear-]

It's ironic how many stories are woven together to create the one massive story which everyone then hears. All those stories, all those lives and histories blended together.

So many little stories, forsaken, ignored, overlooked, because people tend to focus only on the big picture.

Who was I but one person in the broad spectrum? Hardly important. There only for my relation to _him_, the only who took all the glory.

He deserved it, though. None of us could have done what he had done.

We had certainly played our parts, though, weaving our threads into the grand portrait of the quest that brought Salvation to Middle Earth.

So few consider the sacrifices we made.

A steady wind moved through the air, stirring the peace ever so slightly. The caress of a lover, perhaps.

Ah, but those were paths my mind should not have wandered down.

Now I was already picturing her, her pallid skin and raven hair and those eyes…

Even now it pained me to think her name.

She had held every part of my heart and soul, and in return she had given me her hand. We were inseparable.

Until the Fellowship beckoned.

I had not wanted to go, though of course I'd had no choice.

Anyone who has never had to endure the pains of saying goodbye should consider themselves very blessed indeed.

She did not wait for me. No, she was summoned away by quite the romancer indeed. For I had not been gone a fortnight when Death stole her heart, her soul, her life.

Of course, I was not to find out until I returned, and by then it was a thing of the past.

So many stories, all woven into one grand picture.

My own story was soon forgotten. By everyone but me. For I would never forget. It was my very own burden, my very own scar.


	8. though ive tired ive fallen

Aragorn

[-though I've tried I've fallen-]

Sweet.

The taste of her lips against mine.

Sweet.

Fervent embraces under the moon-lit sky.

Sweet.

Her voice whispering in my ears, her breath on my face.

Sweet.

Her love, her gentleness, every precious part of who she is.

Sweet.

Her heart, the prize I fought so hard to win and now hold in my broken human hands.

I love her.

Love her.

Arwen, my Elvin maiden.

My heart.

The woman I never should have loved.

Never should have touched.

My love.

I can still see the tears tracing down her cheeks as I felt, again again.

To try and forget her, to leave her, to let her go

So she could live.

For I will kill her.

I am the death of her.

I am death.

She is my life and my love.

And so I come back.

I return.

"I am here, my love," I whisper into her silky long hair.

Her fingers touch the tears on my face and she kisses each one softly, firmly

As if to prove she is real.

I pull her to myself, crushing her sweetness in my arms.

I surrender

At last

To the one I love.

To be without her is death.

And so we shall both drink of this poison.

Love.

To be with her.

Love.

To breathe and taste the fire of her.

Love.

She is mine and I am hers.

Love.

Sweetness.

Death.

We shall both drink of this

Poison.


	9. i have sunk so low

Merry

[-I have sunk so low-]

Why?

[what a silly little question]

Yet we ask it so often.

Why were we chosen? Why were our lives so deeply disturbed by the darkness of the world? Why were we crazystupidnaive enough to believe that we could make a real difference?

Once upon a time I had tasted the sweet innocence of childhood. I had run through the greens of the Shire with a careless grin. In those days of sweet joy, those days before I felt the shadows of the universe upon me, I had known peace.

But once one leaves the light, they can never fully go back.

Forcing myself to grow up meant also watching after _him_. Why are some people so deeply connected? Why are some people chosen to share such an unbreakable bond?

Perhaps that was all a part of ITS plan. That treacherous creation that swayed us to and fro. Perhaps IT pulled us together while all the while plotting to watch us fall apart.

Because in the end, isn't that what truly happened?

We fell apart.

Was anything really won?

Sure, IT was destroyed, and so all of Middle Earth was liberated from ITS curse. But we were all left with scars that would never fade, wounds that would never heal. We were dying. Every single day. [closerclosercloser]

We were falling, falling down. And when we hit the bottom, we would crash. Shatter.

We would be irreparable.

Why?

[what a silly little question]

Why, because we chose it.


	10. ive messed up better

Eowyn

[-I've messed up better I should know-]

He is…

Some sentences cannot be finished.

I watch him with a silent sort of resolute. He knows I am watching him. I know he does, but he chooses to ignore me. like the rest of the world. They are contented to go on existing without me. I am merely an inconvenience.

He turns…

I am not her.

Our eyes lock from across the hall. He looks, but he does not see. He is gazing through me, far away to another time, another place. Another girl. This one is not like me. She is all fire and beauty. She is all that he desires. I will never be what he desires.

He comes…

I am not what he wants.

Then why does he come? When he is a foot or so away, he stops. He is wearing a smile of sorts, though it is weary and grim. What I wouldn't give to cause him enough joy for a real smile to grace that forlorn face. Surely he could produce enough light to ward off the darkness creeping up on me.

He speaks…

His very existence is pain to me.

Lovely. That's what is he is saying. Lovely words I don't even hear. Meaningless things. Because I am not her, not what he wants, not what he truly desires. But he pretends. Perhaps he thinks himself kind for it. Oh, how I loathe it. But I love it. Yes, I love it.

He leaves…

I do not- cannot- stop him.


	11. so dont come round here

Faramir

[-so don't you come round here and tell me I told you so-]

Sometimes my complete focus of thoughts frightens me.

I can think of nothing

But pleasing my father

Earning his love and affection

Of being enough for him.

I was willing even to die

To prove I was (I am) enough.

And as I lay dying

Perhaps he cared a little

A very little

But by then I felt nothing.

Nothing at all as he tried to burn me

Tired to kill us both in a blaze of glory.

Except for Gandalf

And Pippen. Both friends I never knew

But hold dear from here onward.

I have released my father

And all the scars

He left upon my heart from his

Lack of caring.

I forgive him

And think of him no more.

H is ashes and dust to me.

I do not think of him.

I think only of her.

Beloved

Fair Eowyn.

The woman I never sought to love

But fell into her as if a dream.

In the houses of healing

Our hearts met, melded, and healed

Together.

The soft grasp of her hand in mine

The sweet neediness in her kisses

The warmth of her form close to mine

As we watch the sun set over the darkness yet banished from our lands.

I see the bare glimmers of hope

For Middle Earth, for my heart, for all

When I am with her.

She is not without her own scars, her own past

Of wanting to be loved and never receiving it.

But in our brokenness we complete each other.

We embrace the nothings, pains and joys together in our ever broken state.

With renewed hop we yearn for healing

Together.


	12. we all begin with good intent

Boromir

[-we all begin with good intent-]

We all try. But sometimes trying is not enough. Sometimes we fail.

Sometimes we make choices that lead to that demise. Choices we can never take back.

There had to be a way. Somehow…. Somehow.

I would never forget those faces. Even in death they would smile up at me. They would extend their graces to me. they would live on.

Searing, agonizing pain. It took three arrows. And I was done.

But they lived on. They were saved.

So that made it all worth something, I suppose. In the end.

I can only imagine what miracles those little hands went on to achieve. What lives they touched. Merry and Pippen.

By saving them, giving my life, who's lives were saved in time.

Redemption is a funny thing. Saving and all. as for me, my salvation came only in death.


	13. love was raw and young

[A/n; so, I flipped out and realized I never disclaimed the lord of the rings. So, I know you all know im not Tolkien, but just reminding you XD]

Arwen

[-When love was raw and young-]

The cup of life set before me is bittersweet.

Alongside it sits the tempting drink of immortality. Long, even, unchanging.

To die having loved and lost.

To live and feel and know nothing new and beautiful.

My thoughts do not dwell here long.

For I have chosen.

Chosen to die.

I open my eyes and see my beloved.

My heart. My love. My king.

He is sleep[ing, his head resting on my heart, his fingers entwined with mine. Our souls weaved together as our bodies had moments before.

I love him. My husband. My lover. My Aragorn.

With my free hand, my fingers trace the contours of his face, worn but handsome.

With the life I have chosen comes much pain, sorrow, and wounds.

The burdens as king my husband carries, are heavy and I carry them too. We are one.

Our son we cherish and plan and pray for—watching as he makes his way.

With each breath, each day, each kiss, every moment I draw closer to death.

Death.

My friend as it makes life so sweet.

My enemy as there is never enough time with the ones I love.

This is the cup I have chosen to drink.

To forgo the immortal life for this precious one.

By his side.

In his arms.

Held close inweariness, loneliness, and pain.

Crushed in tender fiery passion again, again.

I love him.

Love him so much.

It is joy to live with him.

Joy to die beside him.

My husband awakes, his eyes soft and gentle on me as I smile at him.

His mouth meets mine softly, hungrily, and I respond in kind. Sweet.

He holds me then, I am encircled in his arms.

Safe. Warm. Loved. Alive.

Soon we will both die, having drank from this cup of mortal life.

I have loved.

I have lost and I know this to be true.

It was worth the cost.


	14. we believed that we could change

Merry

[-We believe that we could change ourselves-]

Separate.

Apart.

Torn apart and separated.

But I felt him. I always felt him.

I guess that's just how it is when you share a soul with someone.

Eowyn was very kind to me, but she was not Pippin. She was not a constant reminder of home.

Home.

Torn apart.

Looking back, I think we all lost a little something.

A part of ourselves. We all had to change a bit.

And that was hard.

But it bettered us. It helped us find ourselves.

Sometimes, changing is good. Maybe it left us raw, hurting, exposed.

It tore us apart.

But sometimes we have to be torn apart in order to rebuild ourselves from the places. Destruction is merely a form of creation.

Torn apart.

But alive.

Breathing.

Home.


	15. that the past could be undone

Galadriel

[-That the past can be undone-]

Why?

My heart throbs with questions as my mind remembers the Fellowship.

The faces of the men, Aragorn afraid to reign but strong; Boromir tempted by power but I see he will ultimately be redeemed.

Gandalf, my old friend wise and strong –great pain awaits him but ultimately victory will burn through.

Legolas the only one of our kind, doing his valiant part in destroying the thing if great evil.

Gimli, brave and true with a heart soft beneath the crust.

Merry and Pippin their hearts faithful and kind and full of much needed laughter.

Sam, sweet, dependable Sam—he shall lead a happy simple life, if he survives caring for his dearest friend.

Frodo. Those eyes that shine with innocence slowly being tainted by the evil he carries.

He is afraid as much as he is brave.

Hopeful while death creeps nearer with every step.

Why?

As my heart caresses in prayer each of these set apart ones, I regret ever more that day, that decision.

We cannot take back the rings that were made.

We cannot erase the journey these are set upon.

It is done. We cannot go back. this truth does not cause me to cease my questions.

I fear I shall ask them always.

Until evil is again banished from this land.

I shall ask _why?_

Why did we create what could be so twisted and turned towards evil? The rings .

A power so strong that evil corrupted and birthed a hell so dark it strikes to smother all that is right and good.

Why?

I do not know.


End file.
